Root Beer Float
by Love Me Some Walking
Summary: Craig and Tweek take a walk on the wild side.


It was destiny.

At least, that was the only word Kevin Stoley could think of that appropriately described the incredible twist of fate that must have occurred for him to wind up in one of the worst bars in South Park at one in the morning, staring across the room at a tall, dark, and handsome man who probably wasn't any more aware of his existence now than he had been back in high school. Kevin clutched his beer in his sweaty palm, turning away from the bar once more to shoot another quick glance at the man nursing his drink in the far corner of the room, before taking another sip of his beer and shifting on his bar stool as he tried not to imagine the taste of something else on his lips, images of the man pushing him up against the wall of the bar outside flooding his mind. Flustered, Kevin set his bottle down a little too quickly, foam erupting from its spout and spilling over his hand as he accidentally slammed it down onto the bar.

"Fuck," Kevin swore to himself as he reached for a few napkins to clean up the mess. Trying to play it cool, he pressed his shoulder blades together and pretended to stretch, awkwardly contorting his body to afford himself what he hoped was another subtle glance into the corner before turning back to the bar, relieved that the man he'd been watching hadn't seemed to notice his little accident. Of course he hadn't, Kevin chastised himself; he'd have to be paying just as much attention to you as you are to him, and lord knows that's never been the case.

Kevin Stoley still remembered the day that Craig Tucker came out of the closet as one of the most depressing days of his entire life. Kevin had been fond of Craig ever since he could remember. They'd never been friends — had barely even spoken — but Kevin had always been impressed by Craig's cool demeanor, as well as his disinterest in so many of the wacky hijinks that regularly made fools of the other boys their age. Craig was aloof — unflappable and (much to Kevin's frustration as he matured) untouchable. Over time, Kevin's fantasies of Craig stopping him after gym class to compliment his free throws were replaced with steamy locker room daydreams, Craig's big hands snaking into his gym shorts, his hips grinding against Kevin's own. But Kevin knew that it could never be.

But truth be told, Kevin was not disappointed in Craig's heterosexuality so much as he was relieved by it. It's not that Kevin considered himself a coward, but it'd possess a certain bravery, one which a teenage Kevin Stoley could never claim to possess, to be able to approach one of the hottest boys in school with romantic intent, even if the hot boy in question was a bit of a delinquent burn-out underachiever. Fortunately, Craig's heterosexuality gave Kevin the only excuse he needed to not worry about having to make a move. It's a shame Craig's not gay, he'd sometimes find himself thinking in the wake of one erotic daydream or another; if Craig were gay, he'd probably go out with me if I asked him. No point in doing that since he's straight, though, of course. Sipping his beer, Kevin wondered if that had made more sense as a teenager than it did to him now. It must have, right?

Unfortunately, Kevin ran out of excuses the beginning of his senior year of high school, when rumors flooded the school that Craig Tucker and Clyde Donovan had gotten totally wasted and made out at Token Black's fourth of July party. Within hours the rumors were confirmed, and when Bebe Stevens confronted Craig in fourth period about whether he was "gay gay" or "just like, drunk gay" Craig answered "I dunno, like gay gay," Kevin Stoley's life was forever changed.

Craig Tucker was gay. Where before there were stop signs now hung only green lights, air traffic controllers waving him ahead. All roadblocks had been cleared and there was nothing standing in the way of Kevin obtaining the teenage sexual bliss for which he'd spent so many hours locked away in his room pining.

Nothing, that is, save for Kevin's own cowardice.

The worst part of not being able to ask Craig out was knowing that he might even say yes. After all, he was a gay teenage boy in the throes of puberty too, wasn't he? Who's to say Craig wouldn't welcome the opportunity to experiment? Didn't Kevin always like to imagine that Craig would like him, too? Ugh, but convincing yourself that your straight crush would like you if he were gay was way different than actually having to find out if that'd be true. Kevin almost wished that he were more sure that Craig would reject him, just so he'd have another excuse not to ask. Christ, it was frustrating. It was like Kevin was responsible for his own happiness now, and he hated it.

Of course, poor Kevin never made a move, and instead of being the cool straight boy he could have never dated, Craig Tucker had to become the one that got away.

Except he hadn't gotten away. He was here now, in the bar, with Kevin.

Reflecting on the past week of his life, Kevin retraced the steps that had led him back into a room with Craig. Though he'd long known it was coming, the death of his father had been quite a blow. Kevin booked a flight to Colorado as soon as he got off the phone with his mother, and before he knew it he was back in South Park. The services went well; Kevin was able to make it through the words he'd prepared and his father's semi-estranged half-brother was on his best behavior. After an intimate dinner with his family, Kevin had a whole night left in South Park, but he felt too emotionally drained to do anything save for head back to his motel room — which had been what he'd intended to do before a deer jumped out of the bushes on his way there and totaled his rental car.

Now here he was, half-buzzed and alternating glances between an Uber arrival countdown on his phone and his high school crush on the other side of the room. Kevin was never a firm believer in fate, but he'd had just enough to drink to attribute their reunion to divine providence. Resolved to seize his destiny, Kevin canceled his Uber pick up and downed the last of his beer. Rising from his stool, he turned around to walk over to Craig and instead collided with another patron of the bar, a short but wiry-looking unkempt blond man who stumbled back onto the floor and spilled his pint of beer all over himself as he did so.

"Gaaaahhh….. shit," the other man groaned, sitting in a puddle of beer and scratching the back of his head.

"Oh shit!" Kevin exclaimed, reaching down to help the man up. "Are you okay? I'm so sorry, that was totally my fault, I should've been-" He paused as the man returned to his feet, struck by the feeling that he'd seen him somewhere before. Did he know this guy? No... he didn't think so. But why did he seem so familiar then? Maybe he- oh my god, wait, no. No way. It couldn't be.

"Are you Tweek Tweak?"

The blond's eyes bulged with panic. "How do you know that! I mean, maybe! Why, who's asking!?"

Yep, it was him.

"Hey, hey, relax!" Kevin said, trying to calm him down. "It's Kevin! Uh, Kevin Stoley? We went to school together for like, forever."

"Oh wow!" Tweet replied in relief as he recognized him. "Kevin! I can't believe it!"

"Right! Man, I'm so sorry about the beer though," Kevin said, noticing a big wet stain on the green sweater Tweek was wearing. "Looks like you really got splashed."

Tweek laughed nervously. "H-hey, accidents happen! It's been so long dude, how are you?"

"I'm good!" Kevin answered instinctively, before taking another second to think about it. "I mean, my dad just died; and a deer just wrecked my rental car, but... I'm okay!"

"Oh my gosh, jeez, uh," Tweek stammered, "I'm sorry about your dad."

"Oh, thanks. It wasn't exactly a big surprise but, still... it was a blow."

"That what brought you home?"

"Yeah, I flew in for the funeral; I'm heading back out tomorrow. Man, how weird is this though! I really wasn't expecting to see anyone from back in the day, I thought everyone split as soon as we all graduated!"

"Well y'know, some of us gotta hold down the fort right?"

"Sure! Are you still, uh, working in that coffee place your folks own?"

Tweek let out another nervous laugh. "Yeah! I mean, it's mine now; mom and dad retired, and I kinda, I kinda run it myself, y'know."

"Oh right on! Man, it must be nice being your own boss. I practically had to blow my supervisor to get time off for this trip."

Tweek's laugh got more nervous. "W-well, I mean it's kinda stressful, but when you put it that way!"

Kevin leaned in a little closer and lowered his voice a bit. "Hey, you know what's really crazy about this though? There's somebody else here that we both know from school."

"What? Who?"

"Just look behind you."

Tweek turned around to see Craig standing by the wall, checking something on his phone. He was still looking when Craig looked up from his phone... and back at Tweek. Then, he nodded at the blond. Huh? To Kevin's surprise, Craig started to make his way in their direction. He was even more surprised by what happened next.

"Hey," Craig said to Tweek as he reached them. He motioned to Kevin. "Who's your friend?"

Wait, what? Before Kevin could answer, he saw Craig's nostrils flare. He leaned in and smelled Tweek.

"Why do you smell like beer?" he asked. He noticed the damp stain on the front of the blond's sweater and, touching the fabric to feel that it was wet, let out a sigh. "Did you have a spill? Are you okay, anything happen?"

"Uh," Kevin decided to speak up, getting their attention. "That was my bad, I'm sorry."

"Craig!" Tweek yelped. "Do you remember, uh, Kevin Stoley from school?"

"Oh my god, Kevin?" Craig said, recognizing him. "Totally! You were always trying to get us to play Star Wars!"

"Yeah!" Kevin laughed – a little excited that Craig remembered something about him, and a little embarrassed about what the thing he remembered had been.

"Kevin's dad died," Tweek explained. "So he's in town for a few days. A deer hit his car," he added, awkwardly.

"Oh, shit dude, I'm so sorry."

"Oh, thanks, it's okay, he was sick for a long time. My dad, not the deer."

"Still, man. Hey, why don't you let us buy you a beer? You look like you could use one."

Holy shit, did Craigh Tucker just offer to buy him a drink? There was definitely something going on with him and Tweek, but there was no way he was gonna say no to that.

"Only if I can buy you guys one," he answered, bashfully turning to Tweek. "I mean, I kinda spilled the drinks you had."

"Works for me!" Tweek yelped.

"Cool," Kevin smiled at them. They smiled back as he turned around to order them some drinks from the bar. If he hadn't turned his back on them, he would have seen their smiles turn into smirks.

###

Three beers later, the three of them had squeezed into a booth in the corner.

"I can't believe you two are together!" Kevin exclaimed. He was disappointed when they'd told him of course - but just as Craig's assumed heterosexuality had unburdened him from ever having to confront his feelings back in high school, there was a relief that came with that disappointment. Sure, he wasn't gonna get to fuck Craig Tucker, but at least he wouldn't have to spend the whole night anxious about whether or not it was gonna happen. Now he could just relax with a couple of childhood friends.

"Like," Kevin continued. "Marsh and Broflovski wouldn't have surprised me. But you guys, that's funny."

"I guess we just compliment each other well!" Tweek explained.

"Yeah, I kinda keep him from falling apart on a daily basis," Craig added, scratching the back of Tweek's head affectionately. Ooh, Kevin would definitely not mind Craig doing that to him.

"What about you," Tweek asked. "Are you like, seeing anyone?"

Craig leaned in a bit. "Kevin you're like... gay, right?"

Tweek smacked Craig's shoulder. "Craig!"

Kevin laughed. "Yeah, totally. I'm not with anyone at the moment, though, no."

"Whaaaat," Craig asked. "Where did you move? Are there no guys there?"

"I mean, no, there are," Kevin answered bashfully. "I guess, I dunno, it's hard meeting someone, y'know?"

"Even for a good looking guy like you?"

Kevin's blushed. Oh my god, had Craig Tucker just told him he was good looking? Embarrassed, he averted his gaze, looking over at Tweek instead. But when he did, he found that the blond had already been looking at him; and the look he was giving him made the bottom of his stomach feel as hot as his face. Tweek appeared to be studying him intently, his eyes glassy, absentmindedly chewing his bottom lip. Kevin looked at his mouth, and then into his eyes. Jeez, he'd never noticed it before, but Tweek was kinda hot.

"Are you guys gonna make out?" Craig asked.

Kevin jolted in his seat as he snapped back to reality, shocked by what the other man had just said. "What! No! Oh my gosh I must've just been spacing out, I'm sorry!" He took a quick glance back at Tweek only to be met by a sly smile. "God," Kevin laughed anxiously, picking up his beer only to realize the glass was empty. "I think I'm drunk!"

Craig grinned at him. "I think I am too. We should all order another drink though, just to make sure."

###

As one more drink turned into two, Kevin couldn't shake the feeling that Tweek had been flirting with him. In fact, it might have been the booze, but as the night went on he could've sworn that _both_ of the men had started flirting with him. I mean, he hadn't been on a date in a while, but he knew when somebody was expressing interest in him, and both Craig and Tweek seemed very, very interested in him – in fact, they were kind of all over him. They'd gone from asking him if he'd gone on any dates lately, to asking when the last time he'd gotten laid was, to expressing shock and dismay at how long it had been.

"Kevin!" Craig exclaimed. "How is that even possible! If Tweek doesn't get it twice a day he can't even function!"

"Oh my god, shut up!" Tweek cackled, shoving him. Kevin laughed too, trying to play off the feelings of arousal growing in his loins.

Things carried on that way for the next hour, Craig and Tweek playfully prodding him about his sexual history and occasionally offering a few details about their own sex life – each one thrilling enough to keep Kevin's dick twitchier than the blond who'd started reaching out and touching his hand and shoulder as he spoke. Kevin's vision darted to Craig whenever Tweek touched him, only to find an amused look in his eye each time. He didn't just look amused though; Kevin could swear he looked... hungry.

The three kept drinking until they decided that it would be a good idea for them to split an Uber and all go back to Craig and Tweek's apartment — which, upon arriving, Kevin learned was really just a flat over Tweak Bros. Thinking about it as the couple led him through the closed coffee shop and up to their home above, Kevin couldn't remember what reason they'd come up with for leaving the bar. But really, who cared? This was the most fun he'd had since… well, since he could remember.

The evening would only get more fun from there. Craig ducked into the kitchen to fetch them a night-cap while Kevin had Tweek lead him to the bathroom to piss out all the beer he'd downed at the bar. Finishing up in the bathroom, he made his way to the flat's kitchen to find Craig and Tweek, but the room was empty when he arrived. While that may have been odd, he didn't spend too much time worrying where they were. Maybe they had to go check on something in the coffee shop downstairs. They'd probably be back in a few minutes.

Waiting for the two to return, Kevin realized how dehydrated all the alcohol had left him. God, he'd kill for a glass of water. So, still drunk enough to do so without feeling intrusive, Kevin started looking through the couple's fridge. Finding a few bottles of water on one of the shelves inside, he took one and shut the door, only to turn around and find Tweek standing very close to him. He practically had Kevin pressed back against the fridge.

Tweek looked up at him, their bodies almost touching. He bit his lip and chewed on it, before asking Kevin a question, his voice quiet and tipsy.

"Do you wanna kiss me?"

Kevin was breathless. He couldn't believe this was happening. But it was; and for once in his life, he wasn't going to let himself run away. But wait, what about-

Kevin's train of thought was interrupted as the blond kissed him. He closed his eyes and moaned softly against Tweek's lips, allowing himself to get lost in the other man's taste.

Tweek didn't move his face away from Kevin's after he'd finished. "I could tell you wanted to kiss me," he said.

Kevin couldn't respond; his brain was too busy just trying to wrap itself around his current situation to form any coherent thoughts.

"I mean, it was obvious," Craig's voice came from the entrance to the kitchen. Kevin turned to see him standing in the doorway, holding a bottle of something hard in one hand and three shot glasses in another. He smirked at them.

"You boys wanna go to bed?"

The next thing Keven knew, he was face down on the couple's bed, biting one of their pillows as Tweek plowed him from behind. The blond didn't have the biggest dick in the world, but fuck, he was using it like his life depended on it.

"God look at how much he loves it," Craig commented, his arm around Tweek's shoulder. He nuzzled into his partner's neck as the blond continued to fuck Kevin.

"A-am I doing a good job?" Tweek managed out between thrusts. Moaning, Kevin certainly thought so, but he also got the impression that Tweek wasn't asking him.

"You're doing such a good job, babe," Craig murmured as he trailed his lips along Tweek's collarbone. "Why don't you let me take a turn on him now though?"

Oh god, was what Kevin thought was about to happen really about to happen? Sure enough, he felt Tweek's cock withdraw from his ass only for something much more sizable to take its place. Kevin inhaled sharply as Craig filled him, barely conscious of Tweek erotically giggling about how his boyfriend's dick could barely fit inside Kevin's tight hole. And then Craig was moving inside of him, Craig Tucker was fucking him, and a choir of angels was singing as Kevin moaned and drooled, his mouth hanging agape in a way that Tweek must've found inviting enough to put his own cock in, because that's what he did. Kevin responded by sucking eagerly, his moans sending vibrations around the dick in his mouth that had the other man moaning right back, until he was cumming down Kevin's throat. In what might've been a move indicative of the couple's chemistry, Craig's orgasm followed almost immediately after, filling Kevin's ass with so much cum that it leaked down his crack and onto the bed sheets.

Totally spent, the three of them huddled together in bed, panting and smiling at each other. Laying there sandwiched between the other two sweaty men, Kevin could scarcely think of a moment when he'd felt as satisfied as he currently did. He licked his lips sleepily, the salty taste of Tweek's cock still lingering on his tongue. God, he thought, when he'd gotten that phone call about his dad dying a few days ago he could've never guessed that it would mean he'd end up in bed with his childhood crush... or the weird kid he used to go to school with who was scared of everything. Let alone both of them at once. What an erotic thrill — an absolute daydream. As sleep began to take him, Kevin Stoley couldn't help but feel like the luckiest man in the world.

###

Waking up the next morning to find himself in bed with two other men, memories of the night previous came rushing back, filling Kevin with a renewed sense of elation and confidence. Careful not to wake Craig and Tweek, he got dressed as quietly as he could in his giddy state, before scrawling his phone number on a piece of paper he found in the kitchen and pinning it to their refrigerator with a magnet shaped like a coffee bean. Sneaking back to their bedroom, he afforded himself one last glance at the sleeping couple before making his way to the Uber awaiting him downstairs and leaving his hometown a changed man, ready to take on whatever exciting adventure life had in store for him next.

###

Upstairs, Craig and Tweek began to awake, groggily rolling over and greeting each other with a sleepy kiss.

"Did we fuck Kevin Stoley last night?" Craig tried to remember, memories fogged by the alcohol from the night before.

Tweek snickered, "Uh, yeah, I think so."

"God," Craig replied with a sleepy laugh of his own. "This is starting to get ridiculous. Coffee?" he asked Tweek.

"Mmmmmmm," Tweek considered. "Coffee."


End file.
